I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
