She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
