Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
