My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
PANTIES FOUND
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