Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
