they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
