a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
