i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
