ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
