ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
