I want to walk on stilts...naked
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
