I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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