So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
