We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
