he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
People in love make me want to vomit
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
