I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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