Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
