In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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