i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
