i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
