Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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