don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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