I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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