Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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