so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
