I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
