I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
