was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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