and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
