1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
