what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
