When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
