ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
