Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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