During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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