im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
