last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
