Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
