bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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