Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
