I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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