Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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