haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How's work?
Spinning.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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