Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
