Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
