i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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