So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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