Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
