How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
