i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
