that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
