I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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