just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
